Letter to Web-masters of the Indranet
This is not one of my many misspellings; my letter
here does not belong on the World-wide "Internet", where this forum
resides, but on the Kosmic-wide "Net of Indra" in the Subtle realm.
Unfortunately, we have very few “servers” here on Earth who can provide that
kind of connection, mine cannot. But I do know of a very few exceptional people
who can read my letter and have it transmitted on the Indranet.
Skips girlfriend is one of the best and I am asking you now Skip to have her
read this to her friends in the Subtle realm. If this misuses the Wilber forum, I apologies. (After the deed is done.)
Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?
(My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken
me?)
There is only one real deprivation,
I decided this morning,
And that is not to be able to give one's gift
to those one loves most. . . . .
The gift turned inward,
Unable to be given,
becomes a heavy burden,
even sometimes a kind of poison.
It is as though the flow of life were backed up.
-------------------------------------------------------------- May Sarton, Journal of Solitude
I began crying this morning, and still am,
while I am writing this letter. Shame on me, because I am not bleeding and
dying on the cross, but sitting very comfortably in my chair, looking at my two
computers, but the pain is still there, as Dante wrote:
..........................................
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost . . .
So bitter is it, death is little more.
I am now wondering if I might want to change places with "him" on the cross, if only I could also say his final words: --- It has been accomplished!
I had this wishful dream for 50 years of my
life. And while my motives for accomplishing it have certainly changed from
"for me" into "for all of you", the dream
itself has not changed. And now, finally, a way to realize it has been
accomplished, with the help of a great creative moment and many years of hard
work. - Too late! --- At age 70, with the first stroke just behind me, the
drive and energy is not there anymore to implement this life's work. The gift
was to benefit the 2.5 Million young engineering students in this World, and through them to benefit all the rest of the
World, and the gift can't be given anymore. --- I now ceased working on my
life's engineering project and I am angry and confused about this "Great
Chain of Beings", which tradition claims exist. They are not helping me
finish my work which I want to give to my engineering profession in all the
Word; --- third world, second World and even our dominant first World, --- the
"tools" to make their profession exiting again (see "Does the Fire Burn and the Wonder still exist?") and also to provide a new engineering concept to
make the very expensive instruments of the health care industry easily
affordable by even the poorest of hospitals in back-water countries.
(Instruments like modern X-ray, CAT-scan, ultra sound, MRI.
---
Mind you, I have only created "one tool" and the basics of an
engineering "concept" for this to be possible. I have no idea,
however, of how to break the barriers erected by the "Grail Kings" of
the greatest of all Waste Lands, in our times; the T&M industry and
the over one Trillion dollar medical business. It would either take a
mystical Parcival and a miracle, or a Bloody uprising
to make modern medical care available to the 90% of underprivileged people in
this World. Ironically, our physicians actually swear an oath to be
“hypocrites” when collecting their first million of dollars.
I was trying lately to understand
why my Karmic-setup was preventing me from achieving the financial power and
the management skills to finish this "dream" to benefit the "corporeal" development in this
World. And I am now trying to understand why Albert Schweitzer's work and
Mother Theresa's work and even the work of Edgar Cayce was considered desirable
and was being promoted, but mine was not.
-------I NEED HELP, because I am now certainly too old to do it all alone.
---------
I thought that I could not be hurt
I thought that I must surely be
impervious to suffering
immune to mental pain
or agony.------------------------------
How frail the human heart must be
a mirrored pool of thought. So deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep.
Sylvia Plath wrote these lines when she was 14. She
became world known with her novel "The Bell Jar" and took her own
life when she was 31.
--------------------------------------------------------
PS. I hope you all know what a